By Tim Middleton
We have a fascination with stars. Some look to the stars for answers to the universe (with the oldest star said by some to be over 14 billion years old while the youngest star is only about 12 million years old); others look to the stars in horoscopes to find answers for their own lives. Parents want their children to get A*! Everyone, it seems, want to be a star!
Over the last 70 years (the briefest nano-second in the life of a real star) there have been at least four extremely popular film versions with the title, A Star Is Born with the most recent being the highly-acclaimed 2018 Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga version. Each tells the story, in different ways, of a fading, burnt-out star (of film or music) fall from grace in an embarrassing, sad and ultimately fatal manner while inspiring, mentoring, developing and introducing a new shining light who takes that world by storm. Perhaps the allure of such films is that we see ourselves in such a light; more than that, sadly, as parents we see our children in that light, wanting and expecting them to get A*s in their A levels so they will go on to be a star in their own way.
Most people would agree that William Shakespeare was a star whose light is still shining 400 years later. In one of his comedies, Twelfth Night, the simple, vain and priggish servant Malvolio, is confronted by what he believes are the words of the lady of the house: “In my stars I am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em. Thy Fates open their hands; let thy blood and spirit embrace them” [Act 2 scene v]. Here, then, are words often quoted with regard to greatness or to stardom.
Many will agree that “some are born great”; stars are born. People have a natural ability and talent which comes so easily to them. Some pupils find academic work so easy and natural, so much so that they just fly through their work with little effort but great delight. A*s come to them; a star is born. Then it is argued that others who are not born great can and do still “achieve greatness”, doing so by their aptitude and attitude, through nurture rather than nature.
Some children have gained A*s by this means. The third category whereby people achieve greatness is when it is “thrust upon ‘em”; circumstances conspire to provide them with an opportunity to reach heights they would not normally have been able to reach. To all these scenarios, the fortunate beneficiary just needs to embrace the opening, to seize the day, to grab the opportunity.
However, that is not the whole story. Before we raise the hopes of our children (as the hopes of Malvolio were cruelly raised in Twelfth Night), we should add at least two more important caveats. Firstly, not everyone does achieve greatness. The implication that many people take from the lines quoted above is that we will all attain greatness by one of those three means but that is not the case. Not all pupils do gain A*s. Greatness is not the goal; stardom is not the point. Greatness is not something which comes to everyone — besides, if it did, it would mean that greatness was no longer greatness! Secondly, and equally important for us to advise pupils, not everyone who is great stays great; a star is born but a star dies too. We focus on the star who is born in the films of that name but should regard the star who dies, as a result of his greatness, of not being able to deal with that greatness. A child may gain A*s but may fade thereafter; we must prevent that by all means.
We often put such pressure on our child to be great, one way or another, that we miss the point. We should focus on the fact that a child is born, not a star is born. Each unique special wonderful child is born into this world and our responsibility is to help her to develop in her own magnificent way and place and thereby shine a light and create a legacy that will live on through the ages. A child is born. We must allow her to be that child, to find her talents, to inspire her efforts, to guard her heart, to enable her to achieve her dreams. After all, when the child is born, a star lights up the sky.
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For some of us, perhaps our only means of qualifying as a star is the fact that we are only seen at night but the fact is the stars are there even when we do not see them through the darkness. Our child’s greatness may not be seen as clearly as that of others but this remains: they are all stars!
