sundayword: BY PROSPER TINGINI
Choosing the right partner who suits your needs is very critical in the formation of a long-term relationship. There is generally a pool of factors that are taken into consideration by most women. Nobody is perfect, so it is difficult to find a perfect partner. Normally, the prerogative to propose love or a marriage is vested in men, so even if you may come across the one you think is your matching guy, he may fail to notice your interest in him or could already be attached to someone else. If you are already in a relationship with him, the man may not propose marriage to you if he feels that you lack some characteristics suited for his choice of a wife.
Female gossip often cherishes wealth, status, some desired physical looks, the integrity of a male and etc. A man with all the prized qualities is considered as a “finished product”, as this is what every woman would wish for. Beware of targeting rich men as their money may turn around to haunt you in the long run. Men with lots of money often tend to use it to have multiple lovers. Be wary of focusing only on physically appealing or handsome men as they are also the targets of most other women. Looks don’t reflect a man’s character. Men in positions of power in society are known to sometimes take advantage of vulnerable women around them, so don’t be one of their victims.
Value a man who has the potential to succeed, whom you can then complement as a husband and wife team, for the two of you to create your own wealth. A man who already has his own wealth is more likely to treat you as one of his acquisitions or as a trophy wife. Wealth created together is yours. Look for the man’s goals rather than his money. Satisfy yourself that the potential husband has a set direction and focus on achieving his ambitions, and then dream together. A man endowed with integrity, honesty, good character and a goal getter seals the deal.
Be able to distinguish between true love, lust or infatuation. A man who approaches a woman and tells her that he likes “this or that” part of her body is in essence telling her that his attention is just focused on that particular aspect of her physical looks, and not necessarily her whole being. Beware of men who are only after their own sexual gratifications. For marriage, men tend to place more value on a woman’s character ahead of her physical looks or beauty, though it may matter. Wealth or the status of a woman in society is not usually an important factor in a man’s choice for a wife. There’s an inclination by men to marry women below them in some critical areas, so that they are perceived to be in the driving seat. Empowering your man in areas he is lacking will boost his ego. If you are a wise woman, make him feel important and good, so that he then feels he is the head. Once he has that feeling, he will do whatever you ask him to do.
I advise women in premarital relationships to abstain from sex before marriage. If the man’s feelings for you were just out of lust or infatuation, he will leave you after he has quenched his sexual appetite for you. Women who refrain from sex before marriage stand a better chance of joining the “holy matrimony”. For those already in marriages, St Paul writes (Corithians 7:3-5): “The husband should give his wife her conjugal rights, likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does. Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempts you through lack of control”.
Do not enter into a relationship with the hope of changing your partner’s bad habits. A leopard does not change its spots unless other artificial colours are applied. Do not compare your relationship with that of others. People are different, so are relationships. Marriage is hard work. Always remember that there is no perfect marriage. Stay in your marriages even if your aspirations are not therein realised. Thinking that you can be better off alone destroys marriage.
Regrettably, more than half of those in marriages are either unhappy, contemplating divorce or have already surrendered. While most divorces are blamed on men’s behaviour, women also contribute to the breakdown of marriages. Proverbs 12:4 reads: “A gracious wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bone.” A woman who, through bickering, nagging and quarrelling makes her home devoid of peace needs some help. A man should be eager to end his day at work to run home, for that should be the happiest or most cosy place for him on earth. Proverbs 21:9 warns women; “It is better for a husband to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”
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Many women stop bothering about their looks, shapes, dressing, etc once they are married. Remember that your husband overlooked women of different shapes, sizes and other characteristics to choose you because of who you were and how you looked. If you then neglect to take good care of those qualities which he had initially cherished in you, you will become a different person in his eyes. You then become like one of those he did not choose. Enhance your relationship or marriage by striving to improve on the things he liked in you at first. Don’t assume that its you who needs to be pampered and loved, not him.
As a wife, you need to emulate a girlfriend’s mind. A girlfriend is always nicer, sweeter, more loving and always thinking about ways to please or impress her sweetheart. A girlfriend does not try to win all arguments, doesn’t call the man “a useless man”, is not careless about her looks or dressing, always smiles and laughs with the man, sends the man sweet messages and phone calls, etc. If you do all the above and of good character, then you will be a perfect wife.
Marriage equality is not about competition. It is just about partnership. Singing tunes of equality to your husband and wanting to misuse equality laws for you to become the head of the house or to oppress the man is destroying your relationship or marriage. You will soon become single again, or the boss of an empty house. Proverbs 27:15 reads: “A contentious woman is like a continual dripping on a rainy day; to restrain her is like restraining the wind or like grasping oil in your hand.”
Prosper Tingini is the scribe of Children of God Missionary Assembly. His contact details: WhatsApp-0771260195; email: [email protected]
