BY DOCTOR STOP IT
My Dear People,
Today is Gushungo’s birthday. I have no doubt every household in Zimbabwe is celebrating his legacy, he was a national treasure.
I have been receiving messages from people regretting being used by Lacoste to send the icon to premature retirement during that infamous coup.
In a short three years in power, Ngwena has made sure that Zimbabweans miss being ruled by Gushungo. They even wish he could lead them from his grave in Zvimba.
Who in their wildest dreams would have imagined that any leader could be worse than the Bobster?
Wherever you look and whatever index you use to measure their performance, the coup gang has failed.
Gushungo had his faults, but he knew what he stood for and was passionate about the empowerment of his people.
These ones only think about private jets to fly from Harare to Bulawayo and entertaining their concubines in government offices.
As usual, the Lacoste gangsters are pretending the icon never existed because they do not want him to overshadow them.
Unfortunately, it is a loss to Zimbabweans who can’t be treated to a gala where the likes of Sandy would be given the platform to gyrate in memory of the iconic Gushungo.
But do not despair, you will have the opportunity to remember him in your own special way today and tomorrow since a day was grudgingly set aside to celebrate his legacy, the so-called National Youth Day.
Our sex-crazed geriatrics
Zimbabweans that have been wondering why Vice-President Kembo Duggish Mohadi always looks tired during public events finally got the answer last week.
Duggish, who last year hit the headlines for the wrong reasons after chasing his wife with an axe at her Beitbridge home, has a very busy sex life if the recorded telephone calls are anything to go by.
His name was trending the whole of last week after audios of him arranging to have sex with married women, including in his office, leaked.
The intriguing things that we learnt from the leaks were that Duggish does not use protection even when sleeping with other people’s wives, he is addicted to aphrodisiacs and some of the relationships are transactional.
He is heard telling one of the mistresses that he had taken two cups of the unnamed concoction. His lover warns: “You will overdose.”
Some of you thought I was mad when I warned you during my interface rallies that you risked replacing Gushungo with sex maniacs.
In a space of three short years, each member of the presidium has been caught in a sex scandal of one kind or the other.
And often the scandals involve women young enough to be their grandchildren. What a shame!
One of them was chased around a maize field by his long-suffering wife after he was caught frolicking with a university student.
At some point Zimbabweans have to talk about the young women that are clearly victims of abuse by sex-crazed geriatrics.
Duggish is a very powerful man and he abused his power to coerce the vulnerable women into extramarital affairs.
These can never be sexual relationships of equals.
In progressive countries, he would have resigned in shame after the first scandal broke, but remember this is a man who has remained in top government positions even after he was linked to the mysterious disappearance of his wife’s suspected lover in the 1990s.
He has been accused of stealing companies and harassing his neighbours in Beitbridge, but he remains untouchable.
In the Lacoste scheme of things, the sex scandals are a non-event. This explains the deafening silence from your rulers.
Our sterile opposition has once again failed to capitalise on the sex scandal to show that they are an alternative to the ruining party.
May be they are afraid that they also have skeletons in their cupboards!
I hear the naughty ones among you saying the Lacoste gangsters learnt from Gushungo to salivate at young girls deployed in their offices.
At the ripe age of 94, he told the whole world how we started our own adulterous affair while Sally was fighting for her life.
In 2018 he said: “I looked at her lustfully. Then one day, I said to her ‘I love you,’ and she was numb.
“I then grabbed her and kissed her. She didn’t refuse or protest and then I said to myself ‘now that she has accepted to be kissed, it’s game over.’”
Now tell me: Who could have resisted? Munopenga! Stop It!
It took Soul Jah Love’s death . . .
We are told there is gnashing of teeth at the glass and mortar building after someone decided to give us unfiltered news via H-Metro.
A reader posted on the feedback platforms of the Horrid’s sister publication that as they mourned the late Soul Jah Love, they prayed for a shift in the presidium.
The “treasonous” statement escaped the attention of the usually diligent gatekeepers.
All hell broke loose after the naughty text made rounds on social media.
Two sub-editors were suspended without pay for two weeks, but the damage had already been done.
If that statement was published by an independent publication, someone would have been promptly arrested and denied bail by that infamous magistrate.
They would be charged with undermining the authority of the president.
At least the rulers will get to know what people think of them.
Gushungo Chete Chete!
Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)