HomeOpinion & AnalysisDougie now showing us his true colours

Dougie now showing us his true colours


My Dear, my people,

For years I was your first lady, but there was never a time when you heard that my motorcade was involved in an accident.

In fact, you never heard anything at all about my motorcade.

So I find it quite strange that the Herald’s Page 2 girl has been involved in so many accidents in such a short time.

At the last count, I think it is three accidents in one year.

May someone please explain what is going on there.

Or if there are any investigative journalists out there, they really need to investigate this phenomenon.

It really doesn’t make sense to have so many accidents in such a short time.

Instead of dealing with the accidents, the Herald’s Page 2 girl goes on a media and publicity blitz.

I tried watching the news on Tuesday, I gave up.

It was “the first lady this, the first lady that”. There were as many as four stories about her.

I simply turned off the TV and began watching the grass grow — that was a more useful way to spend my time.

I am told that she loves publicity so much that she has a dedicated team of journalists in tow.

One of the journalists at the Herald was driven to tears after she rang her and blasted her for using a bad picture.

Poor woman, she loves publicity but has no clue on how the media operates.

It was not the job of the journalist to place pictures on the page, but rather of the sub editors and the graphic designers.

But I digress, propaganda and publicity are not always the best to counter negative publicity, but rather an introspection on what was causing the accidents.

Oddly enough, Ngwena advised against unnecessary travel over Easter, but then the Herald’s Page 2 girl decided not to listen to that and instead went gallivanting.

If she travelled less, listened to the government on cutting on unnecessary inter-provincial travelling and stuck to following Covid-19 regulations, then there won’t be as many accidents.

Our own flying crocodile, Ngwena, was back to doing what he knows best — being in a plane.

Ngwena travelled to Mozambique where he met other Sadc leaders to discuss the security issue in that country.

The usual and more were all at the airport to see him off in a totally unnecessary ritual.

I know you will say Baba used to do it as well, true, but he was a statesman and he deserved a stately send-off.

It’s a truly pointless waste of fuel and time and the more I see it, the more ridiculous it seems.

Surely, they can just call each other and bid each other farewell without having to go to the airport.

And did he really have to go to Mozambique?

That meeting could have been a WhatsApp call and it would have been just fine.

Ngwena could have saved Zimbabwe thousands of dollars of scarce foreign currency by simply buying data bundles and calling his friends.

That said, I hope the situation in Mozambique is resolved soon, the loss of life is very tragic and the conflict should not be allowed to go on for a day further.

I have faced so many disappointments but never has a person disappointed me like Dougie, such a herbert.

We all watched him on the documentary about the constitution- making process and we watched him shed what we now know were crocodile tears — excuse the pun.

Dougie claimed there were people — the system — that manipulated the process and he looked defeated.

But it seems that was all fake, as at the first chance he got, he voted to amend the constitution to give Ngwena the power to appoint the Chief Justice and the judge president.

The constitution was meant to strengthen institutions, but Dougie voted to mutilate this provision and safeguard at the very first chance he got.

Maybe Dougie was working with Ngwena all along.

I mean, how is it possible for someone to make such a quick somersault in such a short period of time?

After all, I remember that taxi driver saying Dougie was the right man to lead the MDC Alliance ahead of Nero, probably because he was their Trojan horse all along.

Dougie accused Nero of taking the MDC Alliance and delivering it to G40.

Well, he has just taken MDC-T and delivered it to Lacoste.

Talk about seeing a speck in your neighbour’s eye when you have a log in yours.

On a lighter note, is it possible to get the vaccine jab and not take a picture, or taking a photo is a legal requirement?

I’ve seen enough of these vaccine pictures to last me a lifetime.

In fact, I’ve really had enough of this.

The vaccination drive has been quite chaotic and government communication has been almost non-existent, but at least it’s moving along nicely.

But, in spite  of the chaos, I must confess, this is one thing that Ngwena is almost getting right.

The Zanu PF government, like Dynamos, seem to thrive where there is chaos.


Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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