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Should I try online dating?

Conversations with Brendah

Hi Brendah,

When Covid-19 hit last year I lost my job in April and so have been unemployed for a year. My husband stepped in and took over paying our expenses which took the pressure off. But recently I have seen a change in his behaviour. He now questions every purchase I make and refuses to give me cash so I can get odds and ends during the week. What can I say to him to change his behaviour? I am now in a situation where I am even nervous to ask him for mari yechingwa. Why is he being like this?

I am sorry to hear you have been going through a rough patch. The impact of Covid-19 has been hard on so many people. Having said that, it can’t be easy for your husband to be bearing the financial burden for a year when your expenses were initially based on a double income. Instead of asking me to get him to give you cash, you should be asking me how to start contributing to the household. Itawo mudzimai wanhasi! My mother always told me and my sisters kuti mukadzi anofanira kuita mari yake ega. Whether you are selling hembe dzemubhero or sadza pacorner paHarare Drive naLomagundi, it doesn’t matter. Pamba pakapera chingwa you can make a plan wega! Show him you are trying to contribute to the household. That will help change his attitude. Because the sad reality is a man will lose respect for you when you constantly have to ask him for money to buy bread and tampons. Mira mira sahwira.

Challenge of the week: Instead of asking your husband for money, ask him to help you find something to do that will bring income to the household.

Song of the week: Fadza Mutengi — Poptain feat. Allanah

Drink of the week: You are broke so whatever your husband is drinking. Don’t forget kufadza mutengi.

Hi Brendah,

I have been married for 15 years and I have gotten quite bored of our sex life. It used to be good, but ma positions have been the same since before taita vana — who are now in high school. I now know his routine and I find myself rolling my eyes when we start having sex. I am keen and desperate to spice up our sex life, but I am worried blaz angajamuke if I suggest it or his ego might be bruised. Please help!

Yah. Iyi inonetsa because hapana anoda kuudzwa kuti haachanaka! But on a serious note, it is important to make a conscious effort to keep your sex life interesting. But do not just come out and tell him you want to spice up your love life and suggest positions. It won’t end well and anotojamuka live! You need to play it smart. Start by reading some erotica and leave the books lying around in the bedroom (kusina vana please) or introducing 50 Shades of Grey or Bridgerton into your late night viewing. Suggest to Mr Man that you would like to watch it together. Once you have him intrigued, you have your hook. Only now can you open up the discussion and ask if he would like to try some of things you have seen or read together and gauge his reaction. Most men will be curious and keen to try if they feel involved in the whole process from the beginning.

Challenge of the week: “Stumble upon” an erotic movie to watch together and see where it takes you!

Song of the week: Rudo Imoto — Marshall Munhumumwe.

Drink of the week: Red wine… but two glasses chete — muka zviwanza munokotsira musati mapakurirana kudya kwevakuru.

Hi Brendah,

I am a woman in my late 40s and after divorce I am thinking of dating again. But with lockdown and social and physical distancing in place, it’s hard to meet people and go on dates. Friends are urging me to try online dating — what do you think? Hazvisi zvevana vadiki?

The internet in general can be a terrible place, and the problem with internet dating is the odds can be good, but the goods can be odd…if you know what I mean. You have to approach it with caution and be prepared to wade through some rubbish and ma nudes aunenge usina kukumbira. Having said that, if you consider the time people are spending online in comparison to the time they spend out and about, it only makes sense to have online dating as an option when searching for the one. And many couples have met and ended up married after meeting on platforms such as Tinder and Bumble. There is no stigma to online dating. We are all looking for love. It doesn’t matter where you find it as long as it makes your heart sing.

Challenge of the week: Prep your profile, pick your fave pic and then register on one dating website.

Song of the week: We Found Love in a hopeless place — Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris.

Drink of the week: Ka Jägerbomb for a dose of that Dutch courage.

Until next week, itai mushe and send your issues to conversationswithbrendah@gmail.com

  • Follow Brendah on: Instagram: @blackladysyrah, Twitter: @BlackLadySyrah

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