HomeOpinion & AnalysisIn Zim, jokes write themselves

In Zim, jokes write themselves

letter to my people..BY DOCTOR STOP IT

My Dear People

The jokes really write themselves, don’t they.

I chuckled a bit, in fact, I cackled when I saw Prisca Mupfumira, the former minister, speaking out about corruption in the Senate.

Mupfumira was quoted describing corruption as a cancer and a pandemic.

In fact, she said corruption was not ending because of “catch and release”, the practice where the authorities put up a show as if to arrest someone and then release them after a while, with the case barely moving an inch.

The irony kkk. Mupfumira is one of the biggest beneficiaries of catch and release and it is ironic to hear her speaking out about this.

She was arrested in 2019 on corruption charges and not before long she was released.

While others went from Chikurubi to the courts, she was clad in her designer clothes, raising questions on whether she indeed saw the inside of prison walls.

Predictably, she was released not before long and she was back in Senate, where she has a platform to pretend to be fighting corruption.

That she remains in the Senate when she is facing serious charges is quite nauseating and just shows that there is a lack of seriousness in terms of fighting corruption.

Home Affairs minister Kazambe Kazembe turned up at the passport office to join a queue.

His major gripe at the passport office was that one enterprising soul was selling spots in the queue.

Kazembe was so angry that he caused the arrest of the man.

For him, that people get up at 2am to go and queue at the passport office, was not much of an issue.

What Kazembe should be doing is ensuring that there is efficiency at the passport office such that there is no need for people to sleep in queues.

Failure by his ministry to provide enough passports creates a breeding ground for corruption.

He might think he achieved something by having that man arrested, but in reality, he just dealt with the symptom and corruption will remain an issue at the passport office for a long time to come.

It reminds me of the time when Ngwena said he would join people in bank queues rather than get his salary in cash.

I wonder how that is going kkk.

The problem with these people is that they are populists. They are not interested in solving problems, but rather always want to find a way of benefitting from the crisis.

We are not going anywhere with this kind of thinking.

Dear people, when I say I am a doctor, people think I am lying, now the truth is coming out in court.

I think you all owe me an apology.

University of Zimbabwe staff have confirmed that I went through all the processes to get my PhD.

In fact, there were no irregularities and everything was in order, never mind that I got my PhD in three months kkk.

The only inaccurate thing that I heard is that I was shivering, but then I managed to calm down later.

Surgent Chevo who was the registrar at the university at that time, must stop saying I was shivering, because, as you know, I am a confident woman.

Remember, I used to address rallies, so how can a small thing like a PhD make me shiver.

He must stop it!

Anyway, you must now put respect on my name.

Ahh, Ngwena surprised me when he said Victoria Falls has now attained herd immunity.

Such statements just show that Zimbabwe misses Baba’s leadership.

As a person with a verified PhD, let me explain.

The logic is simple; to say an area has attained herd immunity, a certain percentage of the population should have received the second dose of the vaccine.

Zimbabwe has put that threshold for herd immunity at 60%.

Where Ngwena and his government got that figure, I don’t know, because the World Health Organisation is yet to say anything about that.

Using Ministry of Health data, I can say with certainty that only a few hundreds of people in that town have received their second dose of the vaccine.

Where he got his statistics is quite a mystery.

I think he doesn’t have proper advisers and I am willing to assist, since I have a PhD.

I really didn’t want to talk about Dougie, but that man disappoints me every day.

He said the economy is critical, but stable kkkk. What is he even talking about?

What stability, is there even an economy to talk about?

Then he says the levels of violence have gone down.

Oh come on Dougie, do you remember January 2019, July 2020, Tawanda Muchehiwa, Joana Mamombe and others?

I know you want to take a cheap shot at Baba and please your new friends.

But how many people have been charged with sedition since 2018 and compare this with the whole time Baba was in charge?

I am disappointed in you Dougie.


Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)

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