BY PROSPER TINGINI
Let us start from the beginning of human creation, then follow God’s actions and spoken words in relation to a man and a woman coming together in a union. We should then find the link to the purpose of a bride price and its relationship to the virginity of woman, when it comes to its payment.
We are made aware that at the very start of mankind’s creation, the Lord brought forth a man, then proceeded to create a woman, Genesis 2:18 reads: Then Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” A woman was not created to serve a man, but to help each other and to work as a unit, a team. In Genesis 2:24, He proceeded to say, “Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Please note that as ‘one flesh’, no part of that one flesh is subordinate or superior to the other, although parts of that one flesh play different roles in a union.
Bride price is made sacred in our Holy Scriptures. At Mt Sinai, God spoke and wrote of all the status that would guide mankind in every sphere of life. On the seduction and coming together of man and woman, the Lord spoke (Exodus 22:16); “If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed (unattached/single), he shall give the marriage present for her, and make her his wife”. Please also note that the virginity of a woman is what qualifies the payment of ‘marriage present’ to the parents. Bride price is thus a marriage present given by the suitor to the woman’s parents prior to them living together as husband and wife. The Ndebele dialect refers to it as a lobola, and the Shona equivalent is roora. Unfortunately this has now been transformed into a “commercial ceremony”.
Parents are the custodians of all children, boys and girls, until such time that they leave the home to establish their own separate lives. It is their duty to raise their children within the confines of good moral behaviour. Parents should implant into their children’s minds that sexual intimacy is forbidden before marriage, hence both sons and daughters should be encouraged to maintain their virginity until marriage. It is sacred to the Lord our God. Any virgin who becomes intimate with a man before marriage defiles her body. Her body loses its sacredness, thus disqualifies the parents of the right to a marriage present; whether through their lack of parental guidance or other factors outside of their own control. The Lord attaches the payment of the bride price to a daughter’s virginity, in recognition of the parent’s role in the child’s good moral upbringing. A would-be husband is always thrilled to marry a virgin lady. Fact.
Lobola is thus a token of appreciation to the parents for having successfully raised their daughter, free of bodily defilement. However, the bride price is not always confined to the solemnising of a marriage setting only. There are instances where it should still be paid, even when there is no agreement for a marriage. Whenever there is a loss of virginity, the man responsible should be made to pay for it, even if he does not wish to marry the woman. We call this payment “damages” in our culture. However, the Lord would still insist on a marriage, but there are times when it is not possible, e.g when the man is already married or when the woman is just a rape victim. Where there is some consent, the Lord spoke (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). “If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her, he may not put her away all his days”.
There are other instances where the parents may refuse to bless the marriage for their daughter because of some reason, e.g. when there is a close blood relationship/incest or some other cultural boundaries. Irrespective of whether the parents have withheld their consent, payment for the daughter’s loss of virginity should still be made by the perpetrator. Exodus 22:17 reads: “If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall still pay money equivalent to the marriage present for virgins”.
It is clear from all the above scenarios spoken of by the Lord our God that the common denominator or the cumulative factor for the payment of the bride price is none other than the virginity of the daughter, or potential prejudice for its loss. Where virginity is already absent, there is no obligation to pay the lobola or roora, because the daughter have already defiled herself. Her bodily sanctity has been broken, so has the sanctity of the bride price.
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The Lord set a very severe punishment where it is proven by the bridegroom that the ‘assumed virgin bride’ is in fact already ‘defiled’. In Deuteronomy 22:21, He spoke about this; “But if the thing is true, that the tokens of virginity were not found in the young woman, then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has wrought folly among her people by playing the harlot in her father’s house; so you shall purge the evil from the midst of you.” We know, however, that such heavy punishments have been commuted through the death of Jesus Christ, who was nailed to the cross for the atonement of our sins. Christ was God’s own replica sacrificial lamb, for the redemption of human sins, and to save us from such hitherto proclaimed heavy punishments for our transgressions.
Debates have ensued in areas where the payment of lobola/roora is still practiced. Its legality has been questioned. Traditional leaders have advocated for its enforcement as a prerequisite to a solemnised marriage. Others have begged to differ, opting to follow in the footsteps of western cultures which completely outlaw its relevance. My assessment based on the scriptures would lead me to conclude that the bride price is a preserve for daughters who have maintained their virginity. Only whose women abiding in the sacrament of virginity justify and enable the parents to receive “marriage presents”, according to the guidelines and proclamations declared by our Almighty God.
- Prosper Tingini is the Scribe of the Children of God Missionary Assembly — God’s messengers. Contact details: Mobile & WhatsApp: 0771 260 195. Email address: [email protected]
