Why do they not listen?

By Tim Middleton | 4h ago

It is the same thing as the plane prepares its final descent and once again passengers are reminded of their responsibilities.

Anyone who has flown on an aeroplane must have noticed this; certainly, the airlines have. Before take-off the chief steward will speak to all the passengers on various important factors for them to consider. It is usually preceded by the request that everyone should listen, even those frequent flyers who may think they know it all, having heard it so often before. Indeed, now many airlines are resorting to other tactics to grab the attention of everyone for them to listen, including employing famous comedians, for example, Kevin Hart or actresses, for example Jennifer Aniston to film very different amusing, compelling, inspiring ways of saying the same thing. But do passengers listen?

It is the same thing as the plane prepares its final descent and once again passengers are reminded of their responsibilities. We are told to turn off electronic equipment before landing; we are told to remain seated until the seat belt lights have been turned off; we are told to disembark row by row. Yet without fail, passengers will leap to their feet before the plane has come to a complete standstill and before the seat belt lights have been switched off. Have they listened at all?

The above scenarios may just be simple examples of a wider issue and one which parents often have with their child, namely this – “why do my children not listen to me?” We tell them straight; we tell them clearly; we tell them in advance; we tell them consistently but they just do not listen.

Why do they not listen? In the case of aeroplanes, passengers continue to ignore the instructions because nothing happens to them if they ignore them. Stewards do not call out for those passengers who are standing up before the seat belt lights are turned off to sit down. Neither do fellow passengers so they might as well carry on. Furthermore, one passenger sees another doing it and nothing happens so others will join in. The same may well apply to our children when asked or told to do something and they appear not to listen; they see others doing it and not being told not to.

Of course, it may well be that they do listen but they simply ignore the request. It may well also be on account of the fact that they do not see an example of what is required. Children hear their parents telling them to treat people with respect but they do not see their parents treating the police, the security guard the shop teller, the other drivers with respect. Perhaps we have mumbled the instructions or made them unclear. Perhaps they are listening to music or other voices who have a better understanding or appeal to them. Perhaps it is as if we are talking a completely different language to them (literally or metaphorically). Perhaps we are shouting or conversely whimpering. Perhaps they think they know better. The most obvious reason may be that the fact the parent asks that question suggests they themselves cannot think of any reason, which in itself is disturbing. It is not a question of whether they are listening; it is a matter of whether they will obey or respond.

A story is told that a church appointed a new pastor and they looked forward to his coming. They were encouraged at the end of his first sermon by how he spoke and what he said; they patted themselves on the back for making a good decision. They came back the following Sunday eagerly looking forward to what the pastor would share but to their surprise the pastor gave the same sermon. “Strange!” they thought. They expected a different sermon. However, they thought that perhaps the pastor was busy settling into the new house so did not have time to prepare another sermon. It was fine. As the weeks went by and the same sermon was delivered again and again, the congregation became increasingly angry and eventually rebuked the pastor and demanded an explanation (“we’re paying good money [though that may be debatable!] so we expect a fresh sermon each week.”) What was the story? The pastor simply replied, “Well, when you start doing what I am saying in the first sermon, I’ll move on to the next topic.” Did they listen?

The final word could well go to a higher authority than the airline steward or even the pastor. An Instagram post (no, Instagram is not the higher authority than the pastor) has very simply shown one line saying “Parents: ‘why don’t my kids listen?’” and the next line reads “God: ‘LOL’”. Why do our children not listen to us? “Duh! Hello!” as followers of Instagram might also say. Is it not rather obvious (and sad)? We as parents and teachers will not be laughing out loud though.