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Lighterworld: Putting life-saving skills to practice

Eventually little Johnny’s turn came.  Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was.
“It’s a period,” reported Johnny.
“Well I can see that,” she said, “but what is so exciting about a period.”
“Damned if I know,” said Johnny, “but this morning my sister said she missed one.  Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.”

Colby and Terri were out to dinner, and Colby was about halfway through with his meal before he stopped and took a good look at his potato.
He called over the waitress and complained, “This potato is bad.”
The waitress picked it up, smacked it, put it back on Steve’s plate and said, “If that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know.”

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.  Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him.  When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid.”
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.  At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, “When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here.”

A few fraternity brothers needed to fill a science requirement in order to graduate, so they spent weeks studying for the final.  The day of the exam arrived and they were more than ready for the test.  The teacher pulled out a chart, and on it were different pictures of bird’s legs.  The teacher said, “This is your exam.  Name these birds by their legs.”
After 10 minutes one boy stood up, absolutely furious, and slammed the paper down on the teachers desk.  “Dammit!” he hollered.  “You knew I needed to pass this exam to graduate.  How could you do this to me?”
The guy begins to leave the room and the teacher yells at him, “Hey you, boy, what’s your name?”
The student pulls up his pants, revealing his legs, and says, “I don’t know sir. You tell me.”

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, “How was I born?”
“Well honey…” said the slightly prudish parent, “the stork brought you to us.”
“Oh,” said the boy.  “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked.
“Oh, the stork brought us too.”
“Well how were grandpa and grandma born?” he persisted.
“Well darling, the stork brought them too!” said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: “This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.”
Two engineering students meet on campus one day.  The first engineer calls out to the other, “Hey, nice bike!  Where did you get it?”

“Well,” replies the other.  “I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young, co-ed rides up on this bike.  She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says, ´You can have ANYTHING YOU WANT!´”

“Good choice,” says the first, “her clothes wouldn´t have fit you anyway.”

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