It is the beginning of another year and there is that constant pressure to have one or some resolutions.
Inside Track with Grace Mutandwa
I like being spontaneous so I try not to clutter my new year thoughts with lofty resolutions. Every year around October I make a conscious effort to plan things I would like to do or change in the coming year.
I have never been one to succumb to peer pressure — I own my thoughts and deeds. But this is not to say I do not take advice from others. I do and only when I feel comfortable with the advice and when I believe the advice makes sense.
If you are at that stage where you are still struggling with your 2013 resolutions, then you need to kick back and be easy on yourself. Set realistic resolutions.
There is no point in tormenting yourself by setting a resolution that ties you to getting married if you have not even met the man you want to marry. Set realistic and achievable resolutions! Try to drink a cup of tea and not a whole bottle of wine while thinking through your resolutions.
Believe me, alcohol might convince you to set resolutions that can either get you killed or arrested.
Resolutions should be founded on ideas that you have some form of control over. You can control your behaviour, how you feel about others, how you dress and how you can improve your work ethic.
If you come up with resolutions that make you a better person, you will find it also becomes easier for those around you to like and love you.
Life is too short to waste on hate
It is impossible to love the whole world, so it is absolutely futile for anyone who is not Jesus or God to try! You do not have to be nasty but I think you also do not have to pretend to like someone — just be civil.
When you have enough love for yourself, nothing hateful anyone does will touch you. Life is too short to waste it on hate-filled emotions. There will always be people with dark hearts but it is not your responsibility to cleanse them or make them lovable. We have priests and pastors who took the oath to love their enemies — leave it to them to work on the wicked.
‘Love like you have never been hurt before’
Unless you are an accomplished bank robber, you should not set a resolution about getting rich within a year. You can however, set a goal to improve your financial portfolio at a pace that is reasonable.
Achievable resolutions will make you a happier person and will not put too much pressure on your emotions and well-being.
It is not completely off the wall to resolve to give more love than you receive. Love like you have never been hurt before because it gives you the capacity and strength to also create distance.
It takes a long time to reach a stage in life where you can really love but also be in a position to stand back and make room whenever it is needed.
When you are able to love passionately and create distance at the same time, you can also choose what you allow to hurt you. It means you have more control over what you are willing to put yourself through without feeling scratched or humiliated.
Everything we do and all our emotions can be controlled. We just need to have the willpower to do so. It all however, begins with your ability to know what you want, know who you are, know why you want to be around certain people and have the presence of mind and self-respect to step away from people you do not want to be around.
You owe yourself happiness. You owe it to yourself to explore the things that make your heart swell, things that give you a healthy emotional kick and things that give meaning to your life.
As you think through your 2013 resolutions, know that there is nothing wrong with doing stuff to please yourself. There is also nothing wrong with exploring your fantasies as long as you are not hurting anyone. It is not a sin to be happy and when you do eventually find love, it is also not a sin to love passionately.
God will forgive you if you are a Christian who loves a scotch or two. And even “sinners” who want to explore more exotic pleasures in bed with their partners, will be forgiven as long as they are not outsourcing the exploration.
Whatever you do this year, remember to do it with love and passion. Do it for yourself and when you embrace others in what you do, do so with the full knowledge that sometimes no good deed goes unpunished. When people give you pain, dish out love and keep stepping. This year be amazing — love like you have never been hurt before.