Everyday I am reminded of just how difficult relationships can be for some people and I am also reminded of how it seems so easy for other couples.
Inside Track with Grace Mutandwa
Trust issues always seem to crop up. A reader wanted to know if it was wise to confront her lover whom she suspects of cheating on her. I know she wants to find out for sure. What I now know as a woman is that in most cases you should learn to trust your instincts. What you do after that is another matter.
My question is, does she really want to know? In most cases cheating men will deny doing so. But the worst scenario is when the man admits to cheating. And even more painful than that, he might even, when pressed, tell you that he is indeed cheating and twist the knife further by adding that he is cheating because the other woman is sexy, intelligent and exciting! Ouch!
That can be painful and would really crush your self-confidence. Yes, it is true there are some men who are brutally honest and they will think nothing of crushing your feelings.
Before you confront someone you need to ask yourself if you are ready to hear the response and more importantly, if you will be able to deal with whatever answer you get.
I always say that love is simple but love is also complicated. People who have strong feelings for each other today might tomorrow wake up to an emotionally dry reality.
People grow apart, feelings change and in some cases people fall for other people.
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If you allow yourself to fall in love with someone, you must prepare yourself for all sorts of surprises and some of them quite nasty. When your love is betrayed or is not reciprocated, you have to make a personal decision about either turning a blind eye or confronting the person, irrespective of whatever fallout might follow.
If you have serious trust issues then maybe you need to ask yourself if you are really with the right person. You might also want to give each other some space.
Space allows you to clear your head and renegotiate your emotions about your partner. It breaks the cycle of your being together being merely a habit.
If you take some time out and you do not really miss the other person, then you know you can move on and you do not have to resuscitate a dying relationship.
But you must also be warned that sometimes space eventually creates a route for a couple to part ways.
Tradition and Christian teachings encourage those in marriages to fight for their marriages but there are some marriages that are simply not worth fighting for.
You must put your happiness, reproductive health and mental stability above the expectations of society sometimes. At times doing the right thing means upsetting the values that others expect us to embrace. Confronting a cheating or lying partner is a judgement call that can only be made by a person who feels wronged.
If you are a person who craves peer approval, you might find yourself saddled with too many suggestions of how to deal with any relationship problems and these will just confuse you.
It is normal to want to seek validation from friends and family, but taking care of your own business in your own way even if it turns out to be wrong — it is part of being an independent grown up.
If you make relationship mistakes, draw strength and courage from knowing that you are not the first and will not be the last. Learn from your mistakes.
When you fall, pick yourself up and walk with your head held high. Life and love are about constant learning.
[email protected] Twitter: GraceMutandwa1
