Some of you are happy to see the back of 2013.
Inside Track with Grace Mutandwa
You were lied to and cheated on and you hope 2014 will be a better year. We will start 2014 with advice that might help men afflicted with the restless leg syndrome — cheating mania.
Unfortunately the reality is that there will be more lying and cheating in 2014, but it is how you handle your disappointments that will carry you through. Maybe you discovered that it is not only pastor Robert Gumbura who is obsessed with pornography, but that your man also leads a secret life.
Maybe you discovered that when he says he is just checking sports scores and the latest in Juba, Kabul or Kinshasa, he is actually downloading enough pornographic clips to start his own porn film industry.
You might also discover that all he is doing when he burns the midnight oil is looking at the latest batch of pictures he took of naked women he has slept with or harvesting pages upon pages of sexual positions from the internet.
And when you stumble on this you wonder how at his age he still does not realise that the missionary position is not the only way to do it.
Well, welcome to 2014 and as it is the beginning of the year and I am in high spirits, I am going to give some of you men free advice. Maybe that way you might avoid the theatre we were treated to in 2013 when some prominent men were dragged to the courts by their disgusted wives.
But then again, brothers never learn so this advice might be wasted on them – still a sister can only try.
Some men are wired to lie and cheat; it is just the way it is. When you cheat on your woman cover your tracks well. There must never be anything that arouses your woman’s suspicions.
When you decide to cheat know that actions have consequences and you might end up losing everything you hold dear. When you do get caught know when to continue denying it or when to be honest and apologise even if you do not mean it.
Here is where some of you guys lose it: When she asks you if you are sleeping with another woman learn to read her well.
I know some women accuse their men of cheating and then start screaming and crying. This category of women might do this because they do not have evidence to back their accusations or they might actually have evidence but feel helpless. With the screaming woman you have a chance of trying to convince her that it is all in her head, especially if she is still in suspicious mode.
But guys, when a woman asks you if you have another woman and she does so calmly and with a smile, take your time before you respond. The calm smiling woman is very dangerous — she has information you might be unaware of.
With that kind of woman if you persistently lie she will continue to smile and let you dig a hole so deep that no one will be able to get you out. Accusations from the smiling woman are evidence backed so tread careful.
Asking you might just be her way of trying to offer you a get-out-of-jail card. She might actually be trying to let you off the hook — giving you the opportunity to break it off with her and if you do not take it when it is offered and continue to treat her like an idiot, you only have yourself to blame for what follows. The offer usually ends at the end of the 15 seconds she smiles at you.
With all these women if you do not play your cards right you discover that they exact some form of revenge that will not only make you lose your immovable property as is the case with some of the divorce cases before the courts.
Your cheating might make you feel good but in some cases it will have far-reaching consequences. Some women do respect men who are honest even if it is bad news and the smiling woman is that kind of person.
I said the smiling woman is dangerous and here is why. In the 15 or so seconds she smiles at you as you lie, she is busy thinking; “Wow, you do think you are the man don’t you?
So when you look at me you think I had a lobotomy? When you needed a shoulder I offered mine. When you needed a friend and someone to listen to your problems at the office I was there for you. When you were sick I nursed you back to health and cleaned after you and this is how you pay me back, wow! I gave you years of my life — time I will never get back! You have really done it this time — you have lied and cheated on me for the last time.”
What you as a man who is convinced you have a right to sleep around should worry about is what the smiling calm woman will do next. In this category you have the smiling calm women who will immediately make you pay for your sins.
There are also smiling women who believe in karma so they will wait and then those who trust in God to exact revenge. You have to decipher which smiling woman you have on your hands and hope that whatever she has planned will not leave you wishing you had not cheated on her and treated her with disdain.
The calm smiling woman is a woman who plans and if she wants to make you pay for stomping on her emotions and turning her heart into a football, she will make it worthwhile — it will not be pretty. She will make it count and you will be left in no doubt that you will never have the last laugh. Revenge is just another form of healing for some women.
The more you lie to the smiling woman, the more you stoke her quiet anger. People break up everyday but it is what you put someone through that will see their love for you turn into rage. A woman who has given you more than two years, let alone decades of her life will not treat you kindly if you mess her up.
Treat women with respect not just because some day karma or the woman will get you, but also, because it is the decent thing to do. I wish you all a love filled, kind, warm and prosperous 2014. As our ancestors say “A fly that refuses advice will follow the corpse to the grave.”
Grace Mutandwa is a Media Consultant, and published Author. She can be reached at: