Our lot at the bhombi stombi (bottle store) is worried about the sudden upsurge in the number of people taking up theological studies. We doubt the sincerity of these people. We feel that it is the prospect of one day owning a church and enjoying the fringe benefits which is the driving force behind this trend, rather than a calling from God.
laughing it off with Blaah Dhee
We are concerned because we believe there is no way some of these individuals will rise to meet all that is expected of the men of cloth. Frankly speaking, most of these aspirants do not have what it takes. Maybe our fears are unfounded as they are from people of limited faith.
Are all these people taking up theological studies out of a desire to spread the word of God and save lost sheep? Or it is about the benefits that come with the occupation? For lately, the church has become one of the most lucrative business ventures one can get into and prosper. There is so much money flying around in churches.
This brings me to the issue of Sunday collections and the tithe at the church. In most churches, members are required to pay a 10th of one’s salary to the church as tithe (chegumi). Meaning, if you are a pastor of such a church, you will be in a position to earn the salary of a teacher, doctor, civil servant, artisan, driver and domestic worker in one calendar month.
If say, in your church you have 10 of each — domestic worker, teacher, artisan and nurse — the total sum of the tithe each group of workers will pay every month would translate to a full monthly salary of each individual worker.
Subsequently, it follows that if you are a pastor of that church, you stand to earn a full salary of a domestic worker, doctor, teacher, nurse and artisan every month — that is a lot of money!
That explains why you find in most churches the issue of paying your tithe is uppermost. The gospel of giving to the church takes more time in the church. Guest speakers and pastors from other churches are usually invited to come and re-emphasise the importance of paying your tithe.
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While many believers out there will discredit this line of reasoning with the scorn they think it deserves, it changes nothing. It is not the payment of the tithe in the churches that is contentious but how the monies are used. It is the reason why there are a lot of people aspiring to be pastors and own their own churches.
Ever wondered how monies collected in your church every Sunday service is used? Or how the pastors, priests and deacons handle the offerings?
At a seminar for pastors, priests and deacons, the participants were each asked how they handled Sunday offerings after collection. Various ways of financial management were heard from the participants. But it was some three pastors who left many in awe with the way they handle church monies.
The first one said that he puts all the collected money in a tray. He then draws a straight line on the floor. While standing on the line holding the tray full of the collected money in his hands, he throws the tray and its contents into the air. The money that falls on the right side of the drawn line is his. Money on the other side of the line belongs to the church.
The second one said that whatever is collected is shared equally between him and the church.
It was the third one who stole the limelight with his explanation. This pastor said that what he does is; like the first priest, he puts the Sunday collection in a tray. He then throws the tray with money as high into the air as he can.
All the money that comes down is his. He reckons that God will have collected his as the tray was in the air. God’s share remains up there with Him.
On the same note, a friend of mine was at church last Sunday when the collection bowl was passed around as is the norm in most churches. He pulled out a dollar note from his pocket and placed it in the bowl. Just as the bowl was being moved away, the person seated directly behind him tapped him on the shoulder for his attention.
On turning, the person gave him a $20 note. Secretly envying the man’s generosity towards the church, my friend placed the money in the bowl and passed it on. Just then he felt another tap on the shoulder again, followed by a whisper into his ear.
“Vakuru imari yenyu yandakupai iyo, yadonha muhomwe pamatora imwe [Sir, the money I gave you is yours, it fell from your pocket when you took out the other money].”
My friend was, to say the least, livid with the man seated behind him. For all he knew, the situation could not be reversed. To compound it all, the money was not his. While on his way to church a relative who is in the same Burial Society with him had given him the money for onward remittance to the treasurer as payment for subscriptions.
No matter how much he tried to rake his mind for a solution, none was forthcoming. Trying to retrieve the money from the bowl was out of question — it is unheard of. Those of you who are familiar with the process of Sunday collection at most churches know how complex the process is.
Once you place money in the bowl, it becomes untouchable, neither can you expect to get change from the bowl. Anyway, my friend sat out the whole service pondering on how he was going to explain this to his relative. Replacing the money was unthinkable; he simply did not have the money.
Having gathered enough courage he approached the church treasurer at the end of the church service with the hope of getting back the $20 note. But no matter how much he tried to look humble and desperate — the church treasurer could not just buy his story. His story was just too incredible to be believed He could not help him.
In fact, the treasurer was saying maybe it was God’s way of telling him to contribute more towards Sunday collection. It only made my friend angrier. Out of desperation he tried to enlist the support of the man who had tapped him to corroborate his story but the man flatly refused.
