The institution of marriage is sacred. It is a holy matrimony between a man and a woman. It was created by the Lord our God through the creation of the first man and woman, Adam and Eve, with the sole purpose of joining them together to perform specific tasks.
sundayword BY PROSPER TINGINI
He anointed them to, among other things, perpetuate the reproduction of mankind by making them a husband and wife. He also wanted to create a companionship to complement each other. Marriage is a holy union born of a holy sacrament; the marriage sacrament between a two people of the opposite sex.
In Genesis 2 verse 28, God blessed the man and the woman and said to them, “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and every living thing that moves upon the earth”. He thus delegated to them His authority of supervision of all other creatures, including the human offspring. It is through the family unit that the children born of man and woman can be guided and supervised into morally good-mannered adults.
Sexual intercourse is a holy union of a man and woman in a marriage setting, with the blessing of the Lord our God. Any sexual activity outside of the institution of marriage does not have His blessing. It is fornication and a sin. Any woman who takes to bed with a man and loses her virginity outside of marriage defiles herself, and defiles her holy temple. Any sexual activity outside a marriage is fornication. The man who marries a defiled woman also defiles himself. Both should cleanse themselves of the sin through repentance and asking for the forgiveness of the sin. Our God is a God of mercy. He forgives those who are genuine.
The man who takes out the virginity of a woman before marriage should be made to pay as a punishment for the sin. God orders the man to marry the woman, even if it is against his will. In the fifth book of Moses, Deuteronomy chapter 22 verses 28-29 the Lord proclaims, “If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give 50 shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not put her away all his days”. While a marriage should be a union between two willing partners, in cases where the loss of virginity is at play, the Lord forces the man to commit himself to marriage, and pay the bride price (lobola) first, just as is done in African and other traditions. It is therefore important for both the man and the woman to respect the sanctity of both the sex and the virginity of the woman.
The institution of marriage should be assisted at all times to ensure its survival. Some traditions have customary channels in place where parties to a marriage can channel their problems or grievances within the marriage. In most African traditions, for example, the aunts and uncles play a pivotal role in efforts to resolve any problems that may arise in a family unit, in the event that some of the issues might be too sensitive or complicated for the parents to handle. Religious leaders can also play their part to ensure the survival of marriages. Marriage requires dedication and support. The Lord our God also comes in to assist in cementing the bond between the man and the woman. In the book of Deuteronomy 24 verse 4, He directs, “When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, to be happy with his wife whom he has taken”.
Love and partnership is the essence of a marriage. The couple becomes one flesh and should remain as a united family unit for as long as possible, even when duty calls. Separation and long distance relationships have their own pitfalls. It does not mean that the man and woman should take leave from work for the whole year, but that newly-married people should not live away from each other for at least the first year. This is to assist with the bonding between the pair. Employers should also take heed of this call.
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Despite all efforts to preserve a marriage, sometimes it is difficult to hold it together and can result in a divorce. Adultery is the only reasonable ground for divorce. Other acts of indecency or immorality could also be cited as reasons for divorce, if they border on infidelity. God does not recognise any divorce outside of this, even if a divorce certificate is issued.
When a man divorces a wife for adultery or other acts of indecency, and the woman goes on to marry another man and she is also subsequently divorced again, or widowed, then the Lord forbids the first husband from remarrying her. In Deuteronomy 24 verse 1-4 He commanded, “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favour in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a bill of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter husband dislikes her and writes her a bill for divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the later husband dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring guilt upon the land which the Lord gives you for an inheritance”. This is self-explanatory. No further comment.
The Lord Jesus Christ also spoke on the issue of adultery and divorce. In Matthew 5 verse 31-32 Jesus said, “It was said, ‘whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce’. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the grounds of unchastity, makes her an adulteress. Whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery”. What Jesus Christ is saying is that only on the grounds of adultery is a divorce valid. He also implies that any marriage to a divorced woman is adultery, as if to say that a woman removed from the institution of marriage for indecency or adultery cannot re-enter the marriage institution again. In Luke 16 verse 18, Jesus goes on to say, “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery”. He is in effect equally banishing a divorced man from re-entering the institution of marriage. However, the Lord our God forgives those who repent and asks for forgiveness of their sins.
A person’s character or habit does not change easily, unless forced to do so by circumstances. In most cases, a husband’s behaviour often determines the wife’s habits, thus making both parties equally guilty of the resultant consequences. It is therefore important that before a man and a woman can commit themselves into a marriage, they have to first study each other and ensure that they are compatible in most respects, to avoid marriage breakdowns.
Prosper Tingini compiled a book titled God’s Constitution for Mankind — The Laws and Commandments. His contact details are 0771 260 195 or email: [email protected] or the book can be purchased from Innov8 Bookshop, 23 G. Silundika Avenue, between First & Second Street, Harare
