HomeOpinion & AnalysisOf the Crocodile Gang and a death sentence that never was

Of the Crocodile Gang and a death sentence that never was

My Dear People,

I have no idea whether Nero and Ngwena were sharing a room in Zambia because something curious happened.

Ndavaningi and The Horrid gleefully told us that HH, the new Zambian leader, followed Ngwena to a hotel room where they met for 30 minutes.

There was a picture of this big diplomatic coup — see what I did there — it was a victory for Ngwena.

The only problem is that a picture soon emerged of Nero, Tendai and Gladys in what looked like it was the same room where Ngwena and HH met.

So, if they were not sharing a room then Ndavaningi clearly lied to us. That man isn’t really good at his job.

The government still has no clue how to respond to HH’s election and each day the bureaucrats look sillier.

You see, the honest truth is that Ngwena was invited on the basis of protocol, but Nero as a friend and an ally and this is really bothering the bungling government.

Hopefully now that HH has been inaugurated and the government will go back to what they excel at — misgovernance.

Anyway, if you believe that a recently inaugurated president can follow a guest to a hotel room, then you can literally believe anything.

By the way, did anyone see how Tendai literally plunged into HH.

I think that was meant to be a hug, but for a moment I thought Tendai wanted to “spear” HH.

Those who know wrestling know what the “spear” is. If I’m not mistaken it was popularised by Triple H.

I think Biti was happier than most that there was a change of government, because his last trip to that country was less than memorable.

He was dragged out of Zambia kicking and screaming for his life and maybe he was now persona non grata in that country.

Now his pal is the leader. You see why he was excited.

Versions of history

I hope you now see why Baba had a soft spot for that weevil, oops I mean Jonso.

Jonso took to Twitter, yes I have an account and I follow everything, he did a thread that literally rubbished Ngwena’s new book.

It is now clear that Ngwena was never sentenced to death.

There were always doubts about that story, but we had no way of disproving it until Ngwena unwittingly allowed that to be in the book.

Now it is clear to all and sundry that the judge was very lenient to him and never gave him the death sentence.

Jonso took his time to dispel the myth and this must embarrass Ngwena, that’s if he has any shame at all.

I wonder what his spokesperson will say in the wake of these damning revelations.

Miles Tendi literally rubbished the book. The last time Miles wrote something, Chris Mutsvangwa was left fuming.

I wonder what that verbose one will say in response to the latest Miles article.

The Crocodile Gang and death sentence myths that have been built around Ngwena remind me of Joice and the felling of a helicopter story.

Ahh we have been lied to as a country forever, kkk.

Many people always asked why Baba never wrote any book, I hope you see the reason.

Ngwena spent decades cultivating his image and it took a clumsy Eddie Cross a few minutes to destroy that image.

If Ngwena’s book is anything to go by, it shows that something is unwell in the cockpit and soon the whole story will come out.

Misinforming the nation

I wanted to talk about government communications, but I would be wasting space because there’s really nothing to talk about.

Last week, probably as an afterthought, the government announced it was extending the Level 4 lockdown.

You see, legally, all regulations on Covid-19 had ceased to exist on Tuesday and yet the government seemed unprepared for this.

Ngwena was in Zambia, busy being followed to his room by HH to remember our own Covid-19 regulations.

Monica then clumsily jotted a letter extending the lockdown.

Barely 24 hours later, the regulations were altered and Monica must have felt like a muppet.

Of independent commissions and government

May someone take away Joji’s iPad — the one that he used to share naughty pictures a couple of years ago — because it is the one that he uses for tweeting and he is not a very constructive person.

Last week he was fighting with Hopewell, but one revelation in the fight was that the government regularly leans on supposedly independent commissions and orders them about.

We know that they do that, but admitting it like that in public was clumsy and immature.

Munopengaaaa!

Stop it !!

Dr Amai. PhD (Fake)

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