Over the years, many people have deliberated on what makes a happy or successful marriage. An anonymous writer once despairingly said that “Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.” In a similar vein, Bill Maher lamented that, “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!” Then there was the man who announced that “My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.”
Ruth Bader Ginsburg has said that “The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf” while LeAnn Rimes proffers that, “A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked.” However, Mignon McLaughlin declares that “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person”; Henry Youngman reflected that, “We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.”
There have been many variations of the opinion that “Behind every great man is a woman”. Jim Carrey, the actor, leads the charge by saying that “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes” while other suggestions include “is a surprised mother-in-law”, “and he’s in her way” and “she’s not afraid to say it”.
The difference between men and women has been highlighted often, seriously and amusingly, while a comprehensive study of the differences has been presented in the book by John Gray, entitled ‘Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus’, as if we have come from different planets. Men (generally) are seen to be more aggressive, fierce, valuing success above all else; it is the big things that matter, the wins. The god of war was of course Mars. Women in contrast will identify more with the goddess of love, Venus, where it is more about give and take, getting the right balance, noting the small things to be important. Very often, it is said, “opposites attract”, for each complement the other. So, we look for husband and wife to walk together, side by side, hand in hand.
So, then, we can recognise similar traits when we come to consider what makes a strong marriage in sport. In very simple terms, we want competition and collaboration (or cooperation) to go hand in hand, finely and fairly balanced. Competition is the Mars side, while cooperation is the Venus trait. Both are important; both must be respected; both must be strong and balanced. However, we do well to reflect and remember that behind every man there is a great woman, so behind every great competitive performance there is a stronger collaboration. If we need to compete against the opposition then we need to cooperate with our team-mates.
Someone once defined the difference by saying that “Competition makes us faster; collaboration makes us better”. However, there is a danger, noted in the Business Directory, that “Competition emphasises assertiveness and minimises cooperation”. Competition is concerned with ‘against’; cooperation deals with ‘alongside’. Franklin D. Roosevelt, the 32nd President of the United States of America, pointed out that “Competition has been shown to be useful up to a certain point and no further, but cooperation, which is the thing we must strive for today, begins where competition leaves off.” It would seem the woman is more important in the relationship than the man!
He was not the only one to highlight the difference between competition and collaboration. Someone once said that “If you want to be incrementally better: Be competitive. If you want to be exponentially better: Be cooperative” while Bryant McGill wrote insightfully that “We must re-programme ourselves to understand that cooperation is a higher principle than competition.” When it comes to any conflict resolution we will want a win-win situation – two sides, two players, husband and wife, both coming out strong. We must understand competition and collaboration.
Prince Philip, the husband of the longest serving British monarch, with his typical wit opined that “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” What we need is a new mindset, whereby in our children we develop a strong marriage through competition and collaboration walking hand in hand; that will open doors for them and set them on their way.
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