Would you marry a musician?

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Society’s perceptions of musicians has not changed very much over the years. Most people in our conservative society do not see music as a form of employment. A recent testimony from one female musician got me thinking:

Society’s perceptions of musicians has not changed very much over the years. Most people in our conservative society do not see music as a form of employment. A recent testimony from one female musician got me thinking:

In the Groove with Fred Zindi

“I have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly five years now. When I met him, I was already in my 20s. After being together for three years, he decided to introduce me to his parents. They casually asked me what I did for a living. When I told them that I was a musician, their faces dropped just like someone watching a horror movie. From then onwards although my boyfriend did not tell me what his parents thought of me, he also started acting funny.

Now I am in a limbo. I am not sure whether to continue with this relationship or not because one thing I know for certain, he is not going to marry a musician”.

Birds of the same feather flock together... Soul Jah Love is married to musician Bounty Lisa
Birds of the same feather flock together… Soul Jah Love is married to musician Bounty Lisa
The majority of women who are musicians are looked down on by our society. It is however, not only women who are looked at negatively. Here is yet another story from a woman who is going out with a male musician:

“I have a boyfriend who plays bass in a local band. Dating someone who is talented and artsy is a totally reasonable thing to want to do. It all seems so exciting, but believe me it gets old fast. A musician will do the same thing over and over each night and you have to be there! Plus, he’ll leave on tour and you have no idea what he’s doing while he’s gone, I’m telling you right now I don’t trust him.

It’s not a lifestyle made for dating, so go buy yourself a CD of a band you actually like and spend your days fantasising about dating the bassist. If you just keep it a fantasy, your heart will thank you. My so-called boyfiend has been on tour several times this year. We have hardly spent time together and he is just about to go on another tour. Although we are both in our 30s, I have stopped talking about marriage with this guy because he has no time to settle down. He is literally married to his music. Everything else comes second.”

Last week, I went on the streets of Harare to investigate the attitudes of Zimbabweans towards marriage to musicians. They gave all sorts of answers, but most of them were based on economic reasons:

Angella (not her real name), a top Zimbabwean model had this to say: “Finding a Mr Right is not always an easy thing to do. Once you think you have found the right person, you may have doubts. Having doubts about who you are marrying is not only normal, but healthy. I have always had my doubts about marrying someone whose full time occupation is just playing music. First of all, there is no money in the music business. Musicians I know are always complaining about being exploited by promoters or club owners.

However, that is the least of my worries. Most musicians I know are into drugs, alcohol and sex. Would I trust someone like that, let alone marry him? The answer is a big no.

“I already know that I should not marry someone who drinks too much, spends too much, works too much, brags too much, uses drugs or other illegal behaviour, has been unfaithful, cruel, dishonest or abusive. That is my perception of a musician.”

Another lady whom I asked the same question, remarked, “Do you call that a job? I know one woman who was married to a musician, but ran away due to the many girls who were after her musician husband and he was failing to support his family.”

Marjorie, a hairdresser in one of Harare’s salons gave a candid response: “If the musician is in the same category as Jah Prayzah or Oliver Mtukudzi, I would marry him because I can see a future with those guys. Unfortunately, they are already married, but should they want a second wife, I am available.”

Madzibaba Johannes of the Apostolic faith gave this answer,: “Female musicians are all loose and they will sleep with anyone who has money. In my church, we do not even consider marrying such women, let alone allow them to worship with us. I would never allow my daugher to become a musician even if somebody offered her a million dollars because that is a recipe for disaster. Nobody in my church would want to marry her.”

A 21-year-old female police officer who is still single, quipped: “Musicians do not need to propose to girls because the girls are often throwing themselves at them. It becomes difficult to trust a musician, especially if he can’t exercise self control. It is for that reason I would never consider marrying a musician.”

One final year student from the University of Zimbabwe had this to say, “Imagine marrying a female musician such as (name given). Every now and again she is on the plane to give some overseas performances, leaving me behind. At the same time, you cannot stop her because we need the money. How will that marriage work?”

If I am to go with the above reports, I ask myself, why do so many people fall for musicians then? Musicians are no different from the rest of society but there is something about the music culture which makes musicians unique.

Musicians are emotional creatures. Many people think that music is purely for entertainment and they take it for granted, but neurosurgeons have proved that music does a lot more to the human brain.

Music is something that is universally appreciated but often underestimated in its true potential.

It has unresistable magnetism and it provokes strong feelings and emotions. It provokes powerful emotions which are delivered by the music makers. Music fans give emotional responses to the music they listen to. It is not surprising to see some people starting to cry after listening to a particular song. Music should therefore keep marriages together.

So fellow musicians, let’s not give love a bad name.

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