HomeEditorial CommentTime for retail therapy

Time for retail therapy

My People,

Yesterday I finished off Ngwena. I won’t say much. Just wait for the last rally. The leader of G40, Bhobho has been convinced that it is time people like Ngwena and his friends in uniform were retired or redeployed. Kkkkkkkk!
Anyway, it is that time of the year when your own version of the Royal Family makes its annual ritual for some retail therapy in the USA.

I was telling Robert Bhobho that this country needs a King and a Queen.
And if anybody argues with me, I will whip out the extension cord!

It is important for me to be crowned Queen Gire so that I promote tourism in the country.

I could have regular meetings with Queen Elizabeth where the royalty in me would really emerge. Meetings with the Queen would benefit the country.

Or should I call her Comrade Queen Sir?

Anyway sorry, I digress.

For most of you, your only shopping experience has been to get those dollar for five second-hand shirts.

I have been informed that most of you wear products from mabhero/bales from head to toe.

The family is expected to fly to the USA where shopping will be one of the main items on the agenda.

I don’t accompany The Bobster to meetings in useless countries in order to save myself for proper countries like the USA.

Bhobho has destroyed Zimbabwe to an extent that even his own children don’t want to stay or study in the country.

Not that the boys are little Einsteins, given that they inherited mommy’s genes.

While the boys may be entertaining call girls or “models” in hotels and leaving a trail of destruction in apartments worth $60 000, mum can be counted on to wreak her own havoc in hotels using extension cords to crack the skulls of the “models”.

If all goes according to plan, among people in the plane will be The Bobster and myself, of course

My daughter and my grandson will be accompanying us.

Also joining us will be two of my sons, aka Boyz DzeSmoko and many other relatives.With each delegate receiving $1 500 per day for the 10 days that we will be there, that means good money will be made from the trip.
Poor job

Somebody at the Lacoste-controlled newspaper group is intent on soiling my “reputation”. Efforts to improve my image continue to generate derision on social media.

The latest dog’s dinner was when the newspaper group tried to portray Dr Amai as somebody as holy as Mother Theresa.

Social media was soon ablaze with people asking if Mother Theresa would have approved actions such as bashing women in South Africa with electrical cords, or evicting children, the elderly and poor people from their homes in Mazowe after burning their houses.

Someone tell Trump about climate change

My trip to the US will give me an opportunity to talk to Donald Trump, The Donald.

His wife and myself can click given that we are both sophisticated.

She is a former model and I am a former typist so there will be a lot of sophistication floating around when we meet.

While our men share notes on how to mess up countries, we will be discussing fashion and charity work.

She may even visit my orphanage in Mazowe.

Of course, it’s not true that most children staying at the orphanage came after I destroyed their families.

Anyway, back to the US, why doesn’t somebody tell Comrade Trump that the hurricanes currently smashing the US are climate change-related? Trump is a climate change denialist and has pulled the US out of the Paris Agreement.
Or maybe he is just borrowing from The Bobster.

Even with the clearest evidence that Zimbabweans are suffering, pretend the problem does not exist and proceed as if all is normal by taking your family for a spot of shopping in the US.

Poor MDC

I hope you have all seen that the opposition is just as useless as ourselves.

Joice is only realising now that she owes all her meteoric rise to her husband and benevolent friends.

Morgiza has been worn down by the wily Bobster.

Those fights with Khupe are about self-positioning.

In the matrix are Chamisa, Biti and Welshman — the three lawyers who plan to lead.

Khupe feels let down by chematama and believes reaching out to Welsh is treachery by Morgiza.

Her call that alliances should be made in Mashonaland are efforts to protect her terrain.

Zodwa wabantu

A joke doing the rounds is that last week in Tanzania top businessmen from Europe were in the country to discuss investment.

In Zimbabwe there was a meeting to discuss: “Kuti Zodwa waBantu ouya nebhurugwa here kana kuti kwete” [whether Zodwa could bring her knickers or not].

We won’t forget the other momentous event where a certain president in an impoverished country met the business community for the first time in 10 years.

Classic! Legendary stuff.

Munhuwese kuna Amai!

Ice cream woyeee!

Extension cords woyee!

Umasalu wezwelonke!

Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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