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Rumble in the field

letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT

My Dear People,

The last week has seen the head of the Lacoste faction, Dhakisi ED, and his family grabbing headlines for the wrong reasons.

First, there was the attention- seeking Auxillia reportedly being caught ranting at senior members of the military. (sounds familiar?)

Well, apparently Auxillia is not as brave as she wanted the bemused soldier to think and he obviously knew that.

Within a short while, she was grovelling and rolling over in deference to the soldier and instead came up with what she thought was a workable proposal.

Shoot Lacoste instead as she was a mother and a grandmother.

Interesting exposés indeed.

One thing for sure, it looks like all is not rosy in the corridors of power.

As someone once remarked: “If you introduce the culture of guns in civilian politics, it will be very difficult to remove that culture.”

Looks like Cde Lacoste is having a very uncomfortable relationship with his minders.

What is it that Auxillia has seen that most of us have not seen?

You will, of course, remember how Dr Amai always used to warn that those soldier boys were up to no good and most of you thought she was having drug-induced hallucinations.

Even the Great Gushungo had earlier warned that the soldier boys were interfering in the civilian politics of the country, but most of you just said he was too
old to know what was going on.

Anyway, there was Auxillia, going on and on with fear loaded in her voice as if realising for the first time that those boys in fatigues do not have permanent friends and masters.

Of course, the fact that ED Lacoste has changed his close protection team from the Presidential Guard Battalion to the Air Force on its own raises a lot of eyebrows.

Then there is the case of the people who recorded Auxillia.

Surely she did not record herself and distribute the audio.

If she did not record herself, then who recorded her? And for what purpose?

Even more interesting is the fact that the recording was availed by G40 kingpin, Jonathan Moyo.

That will naturally raise questions on whether there was collusion between the one doing the recording and the G40?

And for what purpose? Towards what goal?

Very uncomfortable answers obviously, but all the same very unsettling for Lacoste and his faction.

Conclusion: The G40 is very strong and alive and is still very immersed within the ruling party, government and the security sector.

Within the party, look at how many G40 candidates won the party primary elections and subsequently won as parliamentary candidates to become MPs.

While the same MPs were strategising to win two-thirds of the parliamentary seats, their presidential candidates just barely made it past the 50% mark.

Many say that anomaly is the clearest indicator that they were sabotaging their candidate, aka bhora musango.

Of course, it was clear to all and sundry that the way the story was leaked had clear coordination from the G40 strategists.

There is no doubt that the Lacoste camp was left in disarray by the sensational leaks.

Auxillia may have learnt that in all this, she had no sympathisers.

Maybe the message is that she is too much in people’s faces and needs to relax a bit.

She could continue with her outreach activities, but if there is less publicity, the better. Those who benefit from her projects in rural areas and around the
country know that.

After the tsunami of the former first lady, the last thing Zimbabweans want to see is a first lady who is all over the place.

How does a whole first lady summon the Finance minister and the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe governor to address her friends? Others think you are overdoing it,
Amai.

Of course, the other side to the audio could be the authorities saying nothing like that ever happened. If anything, the voices on the audio could have
belonged to comedians Gonyeti and Comic Pastor, the state can always say.

If anything, relations between Auxillia and the soldiers have never been rosier.

Rumble in the maize field

Zimbabweans also came to know through more sensational leaks that their president had sired a baby with a lady who had done her internship at his farm.

The leaks would have inflicted serious damage on Lacoste’s credibility as some would have taken a dim view of old men, especially married ones who impregnate
vulnerable young women searching for employment.

Anyway, as the intriguing details continued to leak, we got to find out that after Auxillia found out about the other woman, there was hell to pay by Cde
Lacoste.

Forget the Rumble in the Jungle boxing match pitting Muhammad Ali and George Foreman in 1974 in Kinshasa, Zaire.

That was nothing compared to what happened in the Midlands.

According to reports, it was a raging, leading to some aching, in the maize field at Sherwood as Auxillia chased the Lacoste kingpin resulting in many

expensive green maize cobs being broken in the process.

But again, we do acknowledge that these could have been wellcoordinated G40 leaks designed to damage the good reputation of Cde Lacoste.

We all know how he is as soft as wool, a family-loving man and that G40 is spending sleepless nights trying to come up with strategies to destroy his
impeccable image.

Delegations on foreign trips

It was good to read that in line with new government policies, spouses and family members will no longer be catered for by the government. Wow! So this has
been happening for all these years? Little wonder we have become so broke nothing can redeem us.

Another missing US$1,5 billion

It was heart-rending to hear officials from the Lands ministry apologising to Parliament for their failure to explain the whereabouts of US$1,5 billion.

They, however, gave their word that next time they would be able to give a plausible explanation.

Classic!

Lifestyle audits 

Very impressed by reports that some poor unfortunate company executive is being asked to explain how he managed to acquire a lot of money into his bank
account. Of course, it is a factional issue.

Will similar questions be asked of ministers and their sons who are found with tens of thousand of US dollars? Of course not, laws are made for the poor and
powerless!

Wise leadership

Thanks to the wise leadership in the Second Republic, Zimbabweans can no loner access such luxuries as bread and electricity.

As we gallop towards middle income status by 2030, the quality of lifestyles is getting worse. We have a wise leadership that has decreed that instead of
having electricity during the day so that companies and industry can function, all that should happen at night when everybody is sleeping!

Evidence of such intelligent minds being put to good use is the recent closure or scaling-down of some factories such as Pure Drop.

Then there was the earth-shattering announcement by more than 20 men and women who sat in Cabinet. They resolved that the handful of hotels in Victoria Falls
will be allowed to charge in US dollars so that the money is used to pay for electricity.

Nonsense! Some of them are linked to those hotels and they want to use that as an excuse to access US dollars.

They really love American and European products!

MDC

This week, the less said about the MDC, the better. Looks like they really want to punish urbanites for voting for them.

What is the MDC doing about clamping fees increasing many times over than the average salary in Zimbabwe?

Looks like they are quite content to stay in opposition.

For now, we wait to see the simmering tensions between Mbiti and Nero.

Gushungo chete chete!

Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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