Being there

By Tim Middleton | 4h ago

Peter Sellers was an extraordinary actor and comedian in the 1960s and 1970s, probably most well-known for his portrayal in the original classic Pink Panther films where he played the clumsy Inspector Clouseau with great comic genius. However, he himself considered two other films to be his best works. One was Dr Strangelove in which he not only played three different characters in a dark satirical comedy about the threat of a nuclear war. The other was a wonderful comedy entitled Being There in which he played a simple gardener called Chance who has no understanding of the world beyond television and his garden yet ends up, through a series of unusual events, being the trusted adviser to the President of the United States.

One scene begins: “It was Sunday. Chance was in the garden. He moved slowly, dragging the green hose from one path to the next, carefully watching the flow of water. Very gently he let the stream touch every plant, every flower, every branch of the garden. Plants were like people; they needed care to live, to survive their diseases, and to die peacefully.” He saw life very simply.

Later in the film, when he was asked about the current political situation (of which he had absolute no knowledge), he simply stated that “In a garden, things grow . . . but first, they must wither; trees have to lose their leaves in order to put forth new leaves, and to grow thicker and stronger and taller... Gardens need a lot of care. But if you love your garden, you don’t mind working in it and waiting. Then in the proper season you will surely see it flourish.” The political commentators, thinking that he was speaking in parables, then tried to fathom how that picture could be applied to the situation that the world was in.

The reality is that while people endeavoured to interpret his comments about gardens in political terms, so we can equally effectively interpret them in parental terms. Chance said that “Plants were like people” but we can similarly say that people, especially children are like plants. As gardens need a lot of care, so too do children. And the greatest thing a parent can do is described in the short statement “Chance was in the garden”; parents must be and need only be in the garden, in the lives of their children. Being there is the greatest lesson that parents must understand.

Parents must be in the lives of their children at all possible times, taking precedence where necessary over work and personal pleasure and play. When their child is being presented for an award, whether it is in academic or sporting or, even more importantly, social arenas, parents should be there, in the audience, in their presence. At sporting fixtures, parents need to be there; in cultural activities, parents need to be there for their child, with their child. At special activities, especially, parents need to be there. And a parent must understand that when his child asks the parent not to be there, what the child really means is “I want you there but please do not embarrass me”. The child may embarrass the parent but the parent must not embarrass the child.

Even when children are not receiving awards, trophies, applause, parents need to be at those school functions; it is not just about the child but about all children and equally about what the school stands for. Being there means being there in times of joy and disappointment, in times of hardship and celebration, in times of hurt and healing. Words may not be necessary; being there is.

In the film Dr Strangelove one character states that “war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians.” The same is true about children; their development is too important to be left to teachers or politicians. The parent must be in the garden; it is a strange love if the parent is not there. A message on Instagram sadly though mockingly portrays the attitude of some parents towards their child: “I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you’re a great gardener. That plant really should have tried harder”. The child is a great plant; we need to be a better gardener. As Chance states, “If you love your garden, you don’t mind working in it and waiting. Then in the proper season you will surely see it flourish.” That applies for us as parents with our children. It is not a matter of chance or being a best seller; it is simply a matter of being there.