‘
Two and a Half Men’ was a hugely popular sitcom that ran for twelve seasons in the early 2000s (at one point earning US$3.24 million per episode, thus becoming the third-highest revenue-generating programme), starring initially Charlie Sheen and later Ashton Kutcher, focussing on two brothers living in a house together with the son (the ‘half’, no doubt) of one of them.
Most of the time, the attention of the two adults was on their own lives, in particular their love lives.
The example set for (and the attention given to) the boy was poor. Their own pleasure was their focus and attraction.
In a totally different context, it is told that when a preacher returned to his praying partners after delivering the gospel and they asked him how many had responded to the call, he answered, “Two and a half”.
The enquirers were greatly encouraged, enthusing “two adults and one child” only to be corrected by the preacher saying, “No, two children and one adult”.
When asked why he said that, the preacher explained that a child has his whole life ahead of him while adults have only half left.
Children are not half a human being. Equally, they are not a distraction from the rest of our life.
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Such is a positive way to consider children.
While many attribute the quotation to C.S.
Lewis (best known for his Narnia stories), it was actually Dr. John Trainer who declared that "Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work". We can well recognise that there are many things that can potentially distract us from work (and indeed from children), from social media to irritating flies or mosquitoes, from WhatsApp messages to background television.
Of course, children making a lot of noise in the back of the car while we drive or call on us when we have just sat down to rest may distract us from things we may wish or need to do.
What we must understand and remember, though, is that our children are what should drive us, not what should distract us.
In bygone days there was a view that children should be seen (only at convenient times, though) and not heard. That does not work now.
Dr. Trainer expanded on his view by adding that “In the end, the legacy that matters won't be what you built in the world. It will be who you raised and whether they felt safe, seen, and loved in your presence”.
In simple terms, he states that an emphasis on the relationship with our child is far more important than any material or professional success we may achieve. Our children are our legacy.
Furthermore, it is not our children’s abilities, achievements or talents that will determine their legacy but it is the character, the person whom we raised, that will truly bring a lasting legacy.
And that, quite simply and plainly, takes time, free from distractions.
The consequence or the proof that children are not distracting us is found in whether our children do indeed feel safe, seen, and loved in our presence.
They need to feel that they are seen for who they really are, a whole person with their whole life ahead, not seen for who we want them to be, with pressure put on them that if they do not do well at school they will fail in life.
Our focus needs to be on ensuring they feel safe, valued, encouraged, loved – and note those key words “in your presence”.
We need to be present parents – present in body, yes, but crucially also present in attentiveness.
Our children are our most important work. Do we get that?
They demand our full focus not by their tantrums or their talents but by their very presence and life.
They are more important than anything else, as how we raise them will determine the future of the world (including our own).
They are our responsibility. We do not hand that responsibility to the school.
“Ah, but, the school has them for much longer than we do”, we proclaim.
Then that is all the more reason that we make the most of the little time we have, not being distracted, and to ensure that the values of the school match our own values.
All that we do, as parents and schools, must be in the best interests of the child.
Our full undivided focus should be on that.
We, parents and schools, must not use our children for our reputation or for our financial benefit. We cannot afford to be half a parent, to be distracted.
That will have fatal consequences.
Rather, a fully involved, focussed parent is a fantastic attraction.
Ask them - if you have a moment.
