Stevie Smith, the twentieth century English poet (not the current Australian batter), was most well-known for her poem entitled ‘Not Waving but Drowning’, in which she described how a crowd watched a man who “always loved larking” struggling and drowning in the sea, waving for help, only for the crowd to think he was just waving to be friendly. The cry for help was not seen.
It is a similar theme to the 1975 hit song by Abba entitled simply ‘SOS’ in which a lover laments the loss of his love, bemoaning the fact that he had not seen the signs of their failing love.
“You seem so far away, though you are standing near; You made me feel alive, but something died I feared. I really tried to make it up, I wish I understood. What happened to our love? It used to be so good.” What happened? Why did they not see the signs? The sadness was deeply felt: “So when you're near me, Darlin, can't you hear me? SOS. The love you gave me, nothing else could save me, SOS. When your gone, how can I even try to go on; When your gone, though I try, how can I carry on?” It is a desperate cry.
In a different genre but in some ways with a similar theme, the 1948 worldwide bestseller novel by South African author Alan Paton called ‘Cry, the Beloved Country’ explores themes of social injustice through racial segregation, where the crying is caused by great sadness and indeed deep anger at the treatment of so many individuals whose plight was ignored or justified.
It is a similar theme in the 1987 classic film ‘Cry Freedom’, also set in South Africa (though filmed mainly in Zimbabwe) following the path of the South African journalist Donald Woods in being forced to flee the country after attempting to investigate the death in custody of his friend, Steve Biko.
Our eyes were opened when in the final scene a list was rolled of over fifty people who died in police custody on such grounds as such as "slipped in shower," "natural causes," or "suicide". They were waving.
We are not very good at dealing with crying; we hear it but pretend to not to hear it. When a baby cries, if we do react to it, but tend simply to shush it without actually dealing with the cause of the crying.
Babies may cry for all sorts of reasons - because they are hungry, tired, bored, sore, angry, scared, lonely – but we often do not treat them appropriately.
- Cry the beloved children
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They are crying for a reason. Similarly, children as they grow older may ‘cry’ in different ways, behaving in ways, often silently, that scream for attention.
We dismiss much of such behaviour as poor behaviour and punish them for wrongdoing though it was really a cry for the attention that was missing. They get the attention but not the type that they want – and if that is all they can get, then they will take it. Children are in fact ‘drowning’ but we think they are ‘waving’.
They cry for attention through bad behaviour, as at least they are noticed.
They may interrupt lessons, make loud crude jokes, kick or spit or break things. Similarly, how they dress or have their hair or make-up may well be a cry for attention, to be noticed, appreciated, valued and loved. Even their laughter may actually be a cry for help.
The problem is that we often miss what the cry is for; we do not see it as an SOS, a cry for help, but rather simply kids being kids.
The first two paragraphs above speak of a cry for attention while the second two examples rather evoke the crying that we in society should engage in on account of the fact that we are on the whole blind or immune to the plight of those who are calling out for help. The fact is, though, that we as family, as schools, as society, often do not hear the cry for attention that many children emit (sometimes silently, other times vocally).
We should all be crying for our beloved children and for the fact that many of them are not being heard, seen or valued. They are certainly crying for our attention, our love, our help, our support. Our children are perhaps, as Smith wrote about the drowning man, “much further out than you thought” – if we are not careful regarding our children, it will be “too cold for him his heart gave way”. And it will be very sad if we allow such a situation as “Nobody heard him, the dead man, but still he lay moaning”.
SOS. They are not waving but drowning. They are calling. Hello?
