After chatting with an old married friend recently, I was left thoroughly convinced that couples should have relationship agreements to guide them through.
Inside Track with Grace Mutandwa
Too many women complain about men who do not understand them, and men on the other hand say they do not always get a full return on their relationship investment.
Clearly, there is something missing in the couples’ communication. There is too much second-guessing and assumptions litter the foundation of many relationships.
My favourite character in the comedy series, The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon Cooper has a roommate agreement and when he started dating he also drew up a relationship agreements. Obviously, his agreement, are skewed in his favour but the fact is that he wants things to go according to his wishes.
He does not leave anything to chance. In the Fifty Shades Trilogy, the main character, Christian Grey, also believes in relationship agreements. His kind of agreement of course is not an everyday thing — it is one that might make you question everything you have ever believed about love and the physical aspects connected to it.
But, the bottom line is that people like Sheldon and Christian know what they want and will do anything to ensure that their will prevails.
However, in both cases some of the agreements get altered, as things change in the relationships.
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What surprises me is that no woman has ever thought of coming up with her own relationship agreement. Is it because we are willing to fall in with whatever is dished our way? Do we lack the confidence to insist that men who feel they deserve us, follow laid down procedures and deal with us according to the rules we establish? Why do we always settle and why are we always the ones willing to compromise all the time?
Maybe more women should be the authors of their own happiness. Sit down and make a list of things that you really want out of a man and the kind of relationship you want. You do not always have to do things the way they were done by your female ancestors. Every woman deserves happiness. All women should be with men who worship the ground they walk on and should wake up in the morning with a smile.
Here is my first attempt at a relationship agreement. Feel free to borrow from it but you do not have to follow my mad train of thought.
Relationship agreement I want to be wooed — and this shall be in the form of being wined and dined every Wednesday and Friday. Every Saturday should be declared date night and every Sunday the man who thinks he deserves me shall accompany me and my dog on long walks and he must appreciate nature and belong to at least one flora or fauna association.
The man must commit to a lifetime of wooing me and buying me books by my favourite authors, expensive jewellery — I will certainly not say no to diamonds and ember, take me to Malta at least once a year, keep me well-supplied with my signature perfume.
My man must know a lot about wine and scotch. He must ensure that I always have enough single malts and every evening he must be home for sundowners. He must be an expert at mixing my pink gin and dry martinis.
He must be a good cook or be able to employ one, but every Sunday morning he must serve me breakfast in bed.
He must brush up on his massage skills because I will expect a foot rub three times a week. He is free to choose what time to administer the foot rubs.
He must be well-groomed, a natty dresser, well-read, have a good sense of humour, enjoy good movies, have an ear for good music, understand current affairs, be well-spoken, and must understand the use of deo- dorants, perfumes and after-shave.
While I might be willing to go easy on some of the requirements of the relationship agreement, the bedroom is one area where there will be no compromises. He must sign up to ensuring he is whimsically inventive in the bedroom. When I am in the mood, he cannot be tired or show any lack of interest. He is free to research widely on ways to keep me happy in bed.
This is an abridged copy of my relationship agreement but you could come up with anything, including rules around in-law relationships — that could be an appendix to your relationship agreement. From the onset, if both parties sign an agreement, it ensures that you have a reference point if your spouse/partner flouts any of the requirements under your agreement.
Grace Mutandwa is a communications specialist, media trainer, author and a mentor of young female journalists. She can be reached on 0772414482 or email: [email protected]/Twitter:GraceMutandwa1/Skype:Wisteria42
