In the spirit of Valentine’s Day celebration, I accepted a challenge to go out on a date.
Inside Track with Grace Mutandwa
I have always said it is ridiculous to get all worked up about love just over one day and not actually celebrate your love everyday. It is even more disturbing to see women waltz about dressed in strange red outfits.
I accepted the date challenge on condition I would get a dossier on the “victim”, that the man be of my age and even more vital, that he possess the looks and manners of an Agatha Christie era. And the sister did not disappoint. Four days before the appointed date, a package was delivered to me.
Inside was a detailed professional and social profile of the guy, a certified copy of his birth certificate, three photographs — one of him wearing a very fine suit, one of him in casual wear and one of him working out at some posh gym. The sister was hooking me up with her biological brother!
He looked like those guys who are gently moulded and not born by a mere woman. I had confidently hoped that the sister would fail. She told me she had already run her idea by her brother and I thought, “Wow, what did your brother ever do to you?” I would never do that to my brother.
But the sister was determined and she told me her brother was dying to meet me. I was still hoping to find a loophole and get out of the challenge when two days before the “date”, the man called me to confirm time and place. You know some people say that God does not give you everything, but that is a lie meant to comfort those in need. This guy has everything.
Greetings and introductions done on the phone, he asked if the suggested time was suitable and if I was happy with the choice of restaurant. The brother had done his homework — he knew my favourite restaurant. He was speaking and all I could think of was “What a voice!” It was deep, dreamy and every word coming out of his mouth felt like a light feathery caress. Now I was definitely interested and I really wanted to find out why this guy was still on the single’s shelf.
By the time you read this the date will have come and gone and I will be able to tell you if Agatha Christie type gentlemen still exist or if they have been replaced by an even better species.
Still on the same mad discussion of Valentine’s Day, while thinking about the impending date, I realised that from the time I started dating in my late teens, I have always had a fear of discovering that my date wears red, orange, green or yellow socks or underwear. It might not be important to some women but once I spot red socks on a man I start wondering what colour his mini briefs or boxers are. It is something I cannot get past. Fashion sense is not everything but it matters boys!
In the week leading to Valentine’s Day, I went into shops that were selling red female outfits and red trousers for men. I would be traumatised for life if my man wore red trousers. I do not know under what circumstances I could allow my man to have such bad taste in clothes. I am mortified when I see old men with large tummies who insist on wearing Speedos in public.
Shops expect to cash in on Valentine’s Day but from my assessment, this year has been a bad one. Not many people were walking out of shops with red gigantic teddy bears, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates or artificial red roses. Even the young men exhibiting garish red wares on Harare’s dirty pavements were struggling to get customers.
The city’s travelling merchants were not faring any better. Young men and women traipsing about selling imported chocolates way past their sell by date and most of them already turned into a gooey mixed flavour soft slab. Harare’s travelling herbal merchant was also hoping to make a killing from the men hoping to get lucky after a night of wining and dining women, but he told me he was having a hard day.
For those who celebrate the day of ridiculous outfits and public displays of affection, I hope you had a wonderful day and I hope all you girls wore your naughtiest lingerie and got some, and I do sincerely hope that the brothers did get lucky too!
I wish you a year of love, peace and happiness and may you never have to wait until the next Valentine’s Day to love yourself, be loved, to be happy, to make someone happy or showcase that toe-curling bedroom move. May love follow you wherever you might land and may your kiss remain sweet and sensually beguiling. Take a leaf from Otis Redding and Try a Little Tenderness.
Grace Mutandwa is a Media Consultant, and published Author. She can be reached at:email@example.com/@GraceMutandwa1/Skype:Wisteria42