HomeStandard StyleEvaluate the type of friends you have

Evaluate the type of friends you have

Women seek friends from church, at work and sometimes in the communities they live.

Grace Mutandwa

For some women, friends are their constant sounding board in professional matters, raising children and affairs of the heart.

A male reader is in conflict with his wife because he believes she takes too much advice from her friends. He argues that his wife started to make some bad choices because of the friends, she keeps. They have sought counselling in church, but he still feels the wife needs to cull some of her friends.

He told me that over a long period they had had problems in the bedroom, but they had never discussed the problems. In his view his wife had not been as enthusiastic as he would have loved her to be in their lovemaking. It resulted in him starting an affair, but the wife found out.

I believe the wife was encouraged by some of her friends to seek the services of traditional sexual surrogates. She embraced the idea and enrolled herself for a course in bedroom gymnastics. When she was sufficiently confident she made hubby his favourite meal, seduced him and made cracking love to him.

You would think the brother would be a happy chap, but no! He admitted to enjoying the intimate moment but he whined; “It worries me that my wife went somewhere to learn to be so good in bed. It makes me wonder if she has been doing it with other men.” Seriously brother!

The only “bad choice” the wife stands accused of is trying to make this ungrateful man happy. He wanted good sex, but now that it is overflowing all he can do is still find fault with his wife. As some of my friends would say, this man needs a very good spanking!
Silly chap if you ask me, but then again, the world is full of contradictions.

I told the brother to be happy that his wife was willing to turn herself into a contortionist just for his pleasure. There are not many women out there willing to change or even try to spice things up in the bedroom.

There are friends who are destructive but there are also friends who build. In this case the brother’s wife got very sound advice from well-meaning friends. These friends are a realistic bunch — they get the fact that sex is an important component of a relationship. There are other things that help build and strengthen a relationship but without sex, many relationships crumble.

Some men, if not most men, expect to marry a woman who weaves magic in the kitchen, is a sex goddess, a good organiser and an excellent mother. A woman who takes cooking lessons is applauded by her husband.

A woman who reads up on good child rearing is praised, but a woman who seeks to better her sexual repertoire for the benefit of her husband, is ostracised by the very same man she is trying to please. It does not make sense.

What do you men want? Do you even know what you want?
I make changes to my life for my own pleasure. I have never felt compelled to change for anyone although I would happily change for my children. Fortunately for me, my children are happy to accept me as I am.

I have taken up yoga for my selfish pleasure. I am just that kind of woman because life has taught me that I do owe myself a certain amount of pleasure. On the other hand, I really do admire women who put themselves through all sorts of unimaginable things to please their men.

A good man will appreciate a woman who at least tries to work on issues of concern in her marriage. Any man worth his weight in gold will be grateful to have such a woman because the sad reality is that if a man pushes away a good woman, she will find someone who will appreciate her efforts.

A good woman surrounds herself with true friends who advise her justly, assist her in good faith, defend her courageously and keep their friendship untainted.

I hope the brother will thank his gods and make good the gift of unbridled pleasure his wife has laid at his doorstep before another man discovers this treasure. May all the days of your lives be filled with passion, love, warmth and true friendship. May you find all your heart’s pleasures in each other’s arms.

Grace Mutandwa is a Media Consultant, and published Author. She can be reached at:

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