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Find yourself space that nurtures love

Love is a wonderful thing. Falling in love can be a spectacularly life changing development or a poisoned chalice.

Inside Track with Grace Mutandwa

The falling in love bit seems to be the easiest part. It is the small emotional building blocks that have the ability to sap energy. The steps that follow can either build or destroy a relationship.

Some couples move very fast into positions that at times paint them into corners from which they cannot easily extricate themselves.

Even in affairs of the heart, one requires the gravitas to expertly handle issues that one might initially assume will not be a stumbling block.

With time many women learn how to handle their men’s friends or relatives. But it is not always easy.

There are some couples that dive into relationships that end with living arrangements that sometimes present some difficulties. We all have different needs in life. When some couples move in together they rarely think through the consequences of sharing space with someone.

Love or physical attraction is not always enough to see some couples through shared spaces. It takes great commitment and a mature sense of emotional stability to comfortably invite another space to share your life.

Before you ask a loved one to move in you should ask yourself if you are prepared to share your bed every night. Do you have a preferred side of the bed you like to sleep on?

Do you feel comfortable with someone sharing your wardrobe and dressing table space? Do you get annoyed when you want to brush your teeth but can not do so because you do not have a “his and hers” bathroom sink, so you have to wait your turn?

Do your dietary plans match? If not, could it be a deal breaker? Will you end up fighting over food bills? Is the person you are asking to move in a heavy drinker? How much income will the other person bring in? Will it affect how you feel about the person if you have to pay for everything?

Do you watch what foods are disappearing from your pantry or freezer all the time? Are you the kind of person who eats light meals and easily feel eaten out of house and home by a person who eats more than you? Do you easily get riled or resentful about not getting your way all the time?

Simply put, are you mentally and emotionally mature enough to want someone in your life all the time?

Many couples that move in together never consider how a partner’s moods can affect the relationship. Love is about being able to talk to each other, laugh together and generally make each other feel comfortable in each other’s space.

Love is about being able to tell the other person things that help bring you closer. Couples that rarely have nice things to say to each other every morning should never try to share the same space.

It is suicidal to be with someone who makes you miserable and wish you were in a different time zone.

When issues such as money, food, personal hygiene and honesty start affecting how you relate to each other, it is only a matter of time before you have a full-scale emotional blowout.

There are many things that bring two people together — pure and simple love, physical attraction or emotional attachment. All these things demand more out of couples with time.

I have heard some women complain about how mean their men are when it comes to money.

Some women discover after moving in with the object of their obsession, that the food they might have enjoyed at restaurants is all they will ever get. Some men do not feel the need to buy trolley loads of food and this creates problems for women who enjoy heavy meals.

Women who have no incomes of their own are at the mercy of men who control the purse strings. Economic independence is not only a confidence booster it also bolsters one’s emotional stability.

It is easy for a woman who is economically empowered to make relationship decisions, to contribute to the household fund and to make personal food and entertainment choices.

A woman who relies on a man for everything stands the risks of emotional abuse of also ending up with a resentful man.

Being able to stand on your own feet creates a healthy emotional balance. It gives you an in-built stamina from which you can draw on in times of need.

Women who are employed or who run their own businesses have a greater opportunity of building and retaining strong and passionate relationships.

It is healthy for a couple to be able to come home to share how they spent their day. If you both go out to work or run businesses you have more to talk about at night.
Think before you leap into a living arrangement that will spiritually, emotionally and intellectually strangle you.

A wholesome relationship is one in which you go to bed happy and wake up in the morning with a smile. Life is too short to waste it on a dusty street that leads to misery square. Love yourself enough to be in a space that promotes growth and nurtures love.

Grace Mutandwa is a Media Consultant, and published Author. She can be reached

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